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Quick recap. 8mths. Overseas trip. The kind of thing that can break a rs.
I’m too laid back. It’s been making her feel like the man in the rs. I wanted to say that she should relax more but I had more interest in preventing it from becoming a mudslinging like other couples like it. I see a few steps ahead…In that sense I’ll always be better than any other guy. It’s just a matter of finding a woman who appreciates that, and I’m not even trying. Don’t and didn’t intend to either. But I’m happy now, or at least I was. Got crushed findIng out that I don’t do the same for her. Utterly destroyed.
Count it second that I realized today, all our biggest wars were due to her dissatisfaction with me and the way I do things. I never get angry with her for her. Ever.
I’m just no good. This all probably could be avoided if I didn’t give the beggar 2000b and cripple my holiday financial plan. But u know what. Even if she decides I’m no good for her, that old guy will be happy enough for the both of us
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5 months in.
third major argument in the recent times. tonight she got angry because i said she shouldnt come over this time. it was a purely logical decision on my part, as usual, what with the short few hours we would have. it wasnt the right decicion, even tho it was the best one. but u know what maybe i should have just gone with the second best or third best decision and said what the hell lets do it. my mistake again.
the second argument was about me saying no because she wanted to meet up for dinner and thought it wasnt a good idea seeing as how it was pretty late for any good dinner around my area. but u know what maybe the right decicion wasnt the best one. as usual, my fault again.
the earliest argument was about me not wanting to talk on the phone. man i really hate phones…i actually considered getting rid of mine so i would have the best excuse for not wanting to have hourlong calls. those type of calls can be very, very demanding, not only on the time scale but on the effort one as well…i just like to put my all into the things i do, thats all. so it can be very draining if i have to do many things. i cant put my all into many things! i am finite!!!!
everytime these arguments go down i try to put myself in her shoes….i try not to get angry. i try to play the neutral. cos u know, taking sides is anathema in things like these. but even then i just cannot shake off the fact that she doesnt take responsibility for the hurt she slings and the untruth that she spills about me. in her eyes she’s doing whats right. and thats what hurts me the most.
but rather than let her go, i know that would def be the worst wrong decision on my part. i have a part to play and a duty to make her happy. she will not feel good if she ever thinks shes just another one for me to fix, but the greatest thing she can say about me is that i was the one man who stuck around and made her see hsrself for the gem that she is. that might take 10yrs, and if thats how long it takes, thats how long i wont let her go.
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so good
its been slightly over 3 months official. pretty short. but really, many things have happened already. every passing day im surprised at how much further this can progress, and at this rate too.
we are hurtling toward space at the speed of light! to infinity…
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why do i feel like its old times again? so much wishing, so much hoping..in the face of her smiles and laughter she doesnt know how much i want, need,…
its just like old times..when she didnt know me
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hope she comes to stay the night.
have a clean towel and new toothbrush ready.
doesnt seem likely at the moment though.
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“i think i am quite physical”
and i let her be, and i responded and i almost lost her for it. i almost lost her on wednesday when she got cold feet..because i kept her a little too warm at night. how tough it is to play my role, without feeling like im being pulled around like a pendulum. it is too unfair. but i stick by knowing she is my one…
and i let her abuse me like this but i fear one day i might just giveup and so i surrender to God and hope we can enjoy each other to the maximum without her wanting to fly away again.
i love her.
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let the Holy Spirt come down on her and grant her new faith and fresh wisdom to face the people who test her on a daily basis. let Your saving grace come forth and flush away these feelings of guilt. take this load off her shoulders so that she can stand again and believe in herself like You believe in her, for her heart is better than gold and she will continue to be an example of Your love. i ask of this that you may bestow Your hand upon your humble servant Genevieve.
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china eastern cancelled my flight. they dont even have a website. this is ridiculous.
i want this problem to go away now.
i will not be kept from korea.
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i keep thinking, how hard i would hug her when i finally see her…in less than a month’s time. i think ill squeeze her to death..
no im thinking how happy her face will be when she sees me. her eyes will disappear and her whiskers will come out of hiding. haha.
URGHHHHHHHH!!!
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i told her about my plans. shes happy. and im happy. very.
it turns out 15th aug is an important day…im surprised she would remember such a thing.
it was the day she told me what i wanted to hear.
if all goes well, 15th oct will be the day we share our first kiss.
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tonight she cut me off while i was singing to her. it was probably because of what i was saying before..about us not being possible considering she is looking for a marriage partner and i am not.
i dont sing to anybody but her, and she cut me off like it didnt mean anything. i do not believe how much this is affecting me now even as i type it. i have been thinking about this for the past hour and every single time i get this wrenched twisting feeling in my heart when i think about it. this is really causing me physical pain. i cannot believe i am going through another break up.
i wrote a breakup letter to her. even before it could start i wrote a breakup letter.
God is good. in 5 hours i will wake up to a new day and He will have undone this and fixed my relationship for me, because He loves me and cannot bear to see me destroyed again like i was destroyed after Hailey.
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g, its not wrong for you to think that i am coming up for you.
firstly its not unreasonable.
lastly because i definitely am. i just dont have to tell you.
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i dreamt that my plan to surprise her failed, and i was stuck at the airport and missed my flight out of changi
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